A Gentleman’s Club for the Soul

Stripping is a topic, admittedly, that one wouldn’t expected debated on Do Better Movement… However, like most things in life… the current climate of the profession can Do Better… at least in my eyes.

A few months ago, a friend asked for suggestions of songs that she could create a pole dancing routine. As expected, most of the replies she received, via Twitter, was chock-full of current songs that can be heard on the radio or in the club. My reply… wasn’t like the rest. As I read her request my “Stylistics – Hurry Up This Way” iTunes Genius playlist was in full swing. And the following smack me in my face…
What if there was gentleman’s club that specialized, or in the least had a night, that catered to lovers of a beautiful woman and even prettier music? No offense to the ladies… but we’re talking about music that has spawn generations… Ballads that are the very reason you’re reading these words… Grooves that allowed your Mom to steal your Dad away… or Rhythms that convinced MaDukes, a brother with a mean two-step means “He can provide…” Now, what he would be providing… that’s neither nor there. 
But what if there was such an establishment…
Let’s take a trip to that very place.
*******

Welcome to Onions. 
That’s right, the same Onions that lost the lawsuit from Hooter’s for infringing on their lane of serving average food with neatly-bosom servers. The courts ignored the fact that Onions hung their hat on serving out-a-sight Soul food and wondrous sights of chocolate angels with fully furnished tail-feathers. But I digress…

The original Onions location… in the heart of Uptown Washington, DC on Georgia Ave, in the same strip the former local hangout Faces once stood, is now the only one standing. Due to the economic climate of the recently gentrified Washington, DC… owner Lamont Arnez Pressley has converted his Soul food restaurant into a gentleman’s club. In an attempt to capture the happy hour wallets of DC’s “ole heads” and the rising population of young buppies.  He’s declared Friday nights, “Shed A Tear at Onions” featuring DJ PoleSoul (that’s me!) on the 1’s and  2’s.

Happy Hour – 5:30 to 9:00PM
Brother Shaze’s iPod is providing the sounds for the backdrop for the evening… As he’s behind the bar serving up deceiving concoctions… setting up a liquid base both of the alcohol and financial sort… You overhear new patrons claim… “It doesn’t even taste like anything’s in this…” Oh, but there is. Several guests are being served by the “Onionettes” also known as the main attraction for this evening. That’s later, currently they’re simply taking drink and wing orders with a hint of seduction and a flair of flirtation. By the way… it should be noted the Onionettes sport the classic Onion uniform. White sleeveless bottom-down tops with red strips… topped with black bow-ties. Covering the “fully furnished tailfeathers” are heavenly designed “boy shorts” in red, matching the Louboutin heels that are given to each Onionette, after completing 2 months of training. The kitchen is busy pumping out orders… especially the famous “Four-Topped Fried Catfish” plate… featuring fried catfish topped with shrimp, scallops, lobster & crab meat, with a side of mean greens and mac & cheese. Smoke of cigars float above the discussions of DC politics or whomever owes Big Cess “twenty large for picking the Skin’s over Eagles.” The vibe is simmering…
“Nick Tha 1da 2-Step” – 9:00 to 11PM

Happy Hour has ended and normally there would be an exodus, however, DJ Nick Tha 1da is spinning hits from yesteryear and today… Deep hip hop cuts and side-B soul. The younger folk have decided it’s a good time to make an appearance… producing a wonderful blend of ages, styles, energy and sensibilities. Some have come to beat the 11PM deadline for the waings & thangs that the kitchen is dishing out. Others wanted to pay homage to elder statesmen… most came to secure a seat for the show. Something they’ll remember for a lifetime… or at least until next week.


“Cue the music…” – 11:00PM

DJ PoleSoul has made his rounds… and provided the women his selection of tonight’s songs. It is an Onion’s tradition that 11PM is the party-starter time. Typically a young lady from Crystylz “Get It Right” pole dancing class volunteers to test out her routine as a prelude for the evening’s festivities. It is customary that the selected song serves as musical cue for the patrons to focus their attention to the stage and most importantly… get them dollars ready. It also should be noted that this dance is routine-centric, therefore the performer doesn’t go nude… unless she wants to. Tonight’s pupil chose to get the crowd’s attention with help of The Stylistics “Hurry Up This Way Again.”

…hurry up, indeed.
After rounds of applause and dollars collected, PoleSoul announces that this week’s “Onion-In-Training” set will feature Elise aka Miss E… he also mentions that she’s a 3rd year student at Howard University… whether her name or collegiate status are true remains to be seen… nor does it matter. What does matter is that most of us are willing to contribute to good cause… and we all know a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Elise comes out in the traditional red, white and black Onionette uniform to the yearnings of David Ruffin’s “Slow Dance.”
“Can’t take it too fast… you’ve got to… s l o w… i t… d o w n.”
She continues her 2-song set with another Ruffin ballad… “Don’t You Go Home”… at which point everyone in the crowd believes the song is speaking to them.
…only more enter Onion’s… no one dare leaves.
“Blue Pill Special” – 11:45PM
After the a break from the “Onion-In-Training” set… during which a number of Onion’s have gone on stage and earned a living to a blend of DJ PoleSoul’s best. Club-wise it’s still early and the vibe is classy and relatively tame. It’s about a quarter til and time for the 1st headliner of the night. It’s her job to conduct a set that features one full-length song that is ten minutes or longer… certainly a routine that’s not for amateurs. Tonight is Phoenix Phyre’s night… she’s chosen Isaac Haye’s rendition of “The Look of Love.”
I can only imagine what takes place from 7:20 onward…

Strike of Midnight! – 12:00AM

Most radio stations programs have their signature song that is played either at the beginning or closing of the show… Smokey Robinson’s “Quiet Storm” is a popular selection amongst the urban landscape… Onion’s is no different… at the stroke of midnight… each and every night two songs are played. Signaling the gathering of the Onionettes… some take the stage and begin individual or tandem routines… while others frolic on the floor to offer… one-on-one “consultations.” Truly a sight to behold… beautiful women all about teasing clients from the stage and up-close and personal. It’s only appropriate that Barry White’s “Midnight & You” is the 12:00AM signature…

Perfect for the hour… Perfect for the 1-on-1…
The vibe is pushed to another level when Part 2 of the 12:00AM signature drops… Marvin’s “Rockin’ After Midnight”… Typically this is when a lot of the gentleman (and ladies… Onion’s serves all walks of life…) are led into the back rooms.
Ray’s Boom-Boom Room Music!!!
The Main Act: Starsha – 12:15AM
After the 12:00AM signature… the customers have returned from the Boom-Boom rooms… regulars have gotten their “Lee specials” drinks and nestled in their familiar booths… New-comers are wondering why entire bar has drawn silent… It’s time for the main act… Typically, an Onionette that has her own style… Relies heavily on routine and her physical attributes… Is an all-star student from Crystylz’s “Sneeks & Cheeks” pole / lapdance class… and also, has a strong following…. Tonight that lady is Starsha… the lights dim and DJ PoleSoul announces her before the crowd… She begins her 3-song with Minnie Riperton’s “Every Time He Comes Around”
…entire stage is showered with dollars.
Her signature song is played… Norman Connors “You Are My Starship”… after tonight everyone in the club will know it as “Starsha’s Song.”
Even the stingiest of brothers can’t up but to let it rain down…
Out of nowhere a strong number of people ease their way to the front of the stage for Starsha’s closing piece… During the last song she usually picks one lucky person to receive a lap dance on stage. Tonight she doesn’t disappoint… the lucky guy has been selected and placed in the chair… The Moments “Ride Your Pony Girl” begins…
Ginuwine… who? Can you imagine… what happens at the 1:18 mark?
“Time for the Classics…” – 12:45AM
After the headliner, Starsha, has collected her tuition donations off of the stage… The ladies from the Midnight Special return and being to rotate dances on the various sections of the stage… This event is started with The Staple Singer’s “Let’s Do It Again”
…the line to the “lady with the ones” grows.
For the next hour or so… DJ PoleSoul continues to spin classic hits for the ladies to garner donations to a cadre of soul jams… mixed in with some current club faves… as clouds of denominations continue to downpour… it’s during this stretch the Onion’s theme song is spun… The Four Top’s “Catfish”… of which the famous plate is named after.
“Catfish… makes my nature… rise.”
PoleSoul keeps the party going with another Four Tops cut off the Catfish album… “Strung Out For You Love”.
By now… this song couldn’t be truer… everyone’s fallen in love with a…
Almost closing time… – 2:15AM
The end is drawing near… only a handful of women are working the floor… and a few remain on stage getting that last dollar out of the wallets… Most of the Onion vets are in the back counting their take… In this utopia, the girls tip the DJ 10% of the earnings…  Once DJ PoleSoul has collected all of their tithes… He tallies up and announces to lady with the largest tip. In true Onion’s tradition… the winner is summoned on stage for one final dance… what makes this dance special is that all of the earnings gained during this song will be split among the other girls… in order to foster a team-like atmosphere. It’s a thing of beauty to watch 10-15 women coaxing the greenbacks out of the remaining clients… All in honor of the lady of the night… to the tune of The Dramatics “She’s A Rainmaker”
…they’ll call her Storm tonight…
…and that’s how “Shed A Tear At Onion’s” Friday ends…
…definitely… a Gentleman’s Club for the Soul.

Very 1st Do Better Movement Production: Buffalo Sock Social IX – Thriller

Check out the 1st Do Better Movement Production…

Halloween 2009: The Buffalo Society of DC hosts the 9th Buffalo Sock Social. In honor of Michael Jackson the group decides to prepare for a spontaneous Thriller dance. This film is the footage from the practice sessions. As well as photos from the event and “the Thriller.” Enjoy!

as always,

enjoy life…

– dre of onustees.com

March aka the "Month of Rufus"

Happy March People!

We hope it’s been a good one thus far…

We also hope you enjoyed the “Black Music History: Ladies Reign” series; where we featured Black Songstresses of Yesteryear.

Now, we’re back to the tees & this month we celebrate “Being Rufus!”


In support of this month we’ve listed the Top Ten reasons why you should (buy a shirt and…) Be Rufus too!

Top 10 – I Am Rufus

10. Once a Rufus, always a Rufus.

9. Originally, Highlights “Goofus & Gallant” was “Gallant & Rufus”, however Rufus continued to “out-cool” Gallant, so they decided to replace him with Goofus the Jackass.

8. Without Rufus, there would be no Chaka Khan.

7. Rufus was slated to be the new host of Late Night, sorry… he had better things to do.
(I do apologize for that one, it was late, it was on, The Roots are great but I’m still warming up to Fallon)

6. It is rumored Rufus’ birthday may actually fall within the month of March, exact date is unknown.

5. Rufus, the man who’s against The Man.

4. No one’s ever measured up to Jesus, why not give Rufus a shot!

3. Rufus… not just for old Black men.

2. During Lent, you can try… but you’ll never give up Rufus.

1. The Rufus tee is 100% Rufus approved.

Be Rufus, I am.

– dre’ of onustees.com

An Autotune Xmas!!!

ŏn.us.tees and Lou Draws present…




Just in time for those CD decks…

In the spirit of the Holiday Season and the Autotune craze

Lou Draws has constructed and gifted us with 6 classics redone in
superb 1988 fashion…

…and brought them to you for the 2008…
  1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  2. Jingle Bell Rock
  3. Chestnuts Roasting
  4. Let It Snow
  5. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
  6. White Christmas
Surely this endeavor will help mend those Heartbreaks with his usage of 808s


As always…

enjoy,

– dre’ of onustees.com